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Where would conservatives go?

So you know how dejected liberals threatened after 2000 and 2004 to “move to Canada” to be in more ideologically friendly territory? I wasn’t with that crowd, of course. I wasn’t about to give up on this great nation of ours.

But that has long had me thinking: where would conservatives go if they wanted to escape this horrible SOCIALIST America, what with the 39 percent top rate and HEALTH CARE for all (assuming we ever get it)?

Iran? They’d love the theocracy, with a bona fide morality police to beat the crap out of non-believers! But the country worships the wrong god. So close...

Russia? It’s got the oligarchy thing that conservatives love, plus a war-mongering leadership that dreams of empire. Too bad they don’t speak American, or even use American letters in their alphabet!

Singapore? Unfettered capitalism, English as an official language, and a caning if you chew gum on the streets. Oh, and jail if you get caught being gay. It’s conservative nirvana! Well, except that people are Asian. If only they’d be whiter.

Dubai? A playground for the rich, but with the oppressive hand of religion to stamp out all fun. Still the wrong god, though.

Any other suggestions?

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Someone suggested Nigeria, but that might have too many "scary brown skinned people" for their tastes. Interesting comments too.

I think Israel, India and China would probably be top choices.

The crazy thing is that I've seen a lot of conservatives suggesting they will go to Canada. I'm not sure I understand that one.

Canada is a large country, with sizable areas that are strongly conservative. Stephen Harper, the current Prime Minister (who's running his minority government as though it were a majority), could easily be seen as a dumbed down version of Shrub.

But if you're trying to get away from socialized medicine (because you'll DIE while waiting for a ROUTINE MEDICAL VISIT), gay marriage (because it will erode the value of your own marriage), legalized marijuana (POT FREAKS EVERYWHERE), and governmental regulation of the banking industry (suppressing wealth building), any part of Canada is a bad choice of safe haven.

Unless, of course, all you're really afraid of is having a black guy be president. They don't have that.

Unless, of course, all you're really afraid of is having a black guy be president. They don't have that.

Not a black guy, no.

They're going to have to make their own. The kind of Christian fundamentalism out of which they could build their theocratic/plutocratic utopia is a purely 19th-century American invention. It doesn't exist anywhere else on Earth.

I say we mark off Kansas, a few thousand square miles around Colorado Springs, and a good chunk of the Bible Belt, declare them Christian Reservations, and let them run them however they choose. Think they'll build casinos?

Alaska. Plenty of guns, plenty of oil (at least for the next ten years or so), and they can keep an eye on the Russkies.

Iceland. Which, as we all know, is a shining beacon onto the world, proof positive that absolutely positively nothing could go wrong by letting Milton Friedman and his Chi-school acolytes rewrite your domestic economic policy from the ground up and to the last detail. It's got the farmland, it's easily defensible: it's a ready-made Galt Gulch.

Hope they like the taste of putrefied shark meat.

Austria. We were just there for a vacation. It's quite conservative, lots of family values, etc.

Oh and kickass skiing!

Where will they go? Into De Nile. Lots of hypos there!

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