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Judge my draft advert

The little house on the back of my property is available for rent again.


What do you think about the advert? Suggestions? Corrections?

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Measurements and/or inside photos?
Some idea of what "galley kitchen" means?

I agree, you may want to post some dimensions. You may also want to indicate if there are laundry facilities on the premises or nearby.

Finally, you will want to update the "available by" date. :)

I'd love interior photos.

I suspect the availability-date is NOT 2008.

what the others said....also you may want to rethink 1.5 months' security deposit - times are tough. Also the deposit is in a weird place....it's in the bullet point for "utilities" - water included, gas heat - but doesn't belong there. I'd move it to its own bullet point, but make it clear that that's the whole sum of the deposit. ie,

* Deposit is 1 months' rent for security.

I'd put in if the stove is gas or electric (I prefer gas, and I've lived in a few places that have gas heat and electric stoves...)

Having a specialized e-mail might confuse folks into thinking you're a real estate company (rentme@whatexit.org). You might want to have a bullet point like:

* For rent by owner, no agency fees

Also, if this ad is reused from 2 years ago, you might want to specify how "new" the appliances are, if they're over 5 years old....also by "new appliances" do you mean just the stove? If so, the plural is deceiving and the headline should just say "new stove". If there's also dishwasher, disposal, or laundry appliances, those should be mentioned in the ad.

I'd probably leave "galley kitchen" out, just put "kitchen", because "galley" means "small" and that's not a feature. (if you just mean "not an eat-in-kitchen", then "kitchen" will suffice)

Since the bedroom is "huge" I would include one internal picture, of the bedroom. Also measurements are a MUST for the bedroom and living room. Also in the 2nd bullet point, it says "bed room" -- I'd change to bedroom, lest potential tenants think you don't have a good grasp of English.

Take the "awesome landlords!" part out.....duh. That's like a restaurant promoting "good food". If you want, you can say "references available from previous tenants" or something.

Looks like there are 2 spaces in the line "Huge loft-style bedroom and new appliances make this perfect for students or professionals." between "or" and "professionals". I'd fix that.

Is gas included also? I'd put "gas heat" on a separate line so there's no confusion about whether it is included along with the water.

Is it cable-ready?

Do renters get any use of the yard?

Any laundry hook-ups?

1. Move all of the bullet points to under the pic
2. Move all of the lesser bullets to underneath the outdoor pic of the house
3. Add a couple pics of the interior
4. What about parking? Off-street? Garage?
5. I would just say, 1br/1Ba house; they’ll know it’s 2 stories from the pic.
6. I’d just leave it at Security deposit. Most people who rent in NJ will assume that it’s 1.5 months. Also if you don’t mention a specific amount if you decide to change it, you don’t have to re-write the ad.
7. People will assume that you’re an awesome landlord until/unless you aren’t I would keep the ad as factual as possible because that is what apt hunters are looking for.
8. I’d also reorder the bullets (see below)

Available May 15, 2008
Private, detached unit w/ [type of] parking
10 minute walk to train!
Beautiful historic district (near Bloomfield College)
Gas heat
Water included
1st floor: galley kitchen + living room (can be a 2nd bedroom)
2nd floor: huge loft-like bedroom & full bath
New stove, new heating system, new paint!
No pets or smoking

I’d put the bullet items in two columns under the photo, rather than letting them wrap around. (Either that or put the most important ones in a visually distinctive font or style next to the photo, clearly segregated from the less important ones under the photo.)

Too bad I’m not looking for a place in New Jersey. :-)

Thanks everyone! Great advice all around!

The new version is here:
house for rent

I had trouble ripping one of the phone number/email address tags off. Luckily I have an accidental damage warranty on my laptop.

Also, "dining" has one "n".

Glad to hear your laptop has a warranty.

By the way... most web browsers are showing the same image twice. It isn't that way in edit mode. Not sure what's wrong with that. I am using a beta version of Google's word processor.

I figured the two pictures were there for emphasis, in an Andy Warhol-style way.

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